just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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