Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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