She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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