we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was like eating out sand paper
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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