oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
