in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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