I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
