I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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