Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
