i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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