I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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