Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
