Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
