well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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