My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
