I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
