Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
