Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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