12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
