I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
its liver damage thursday
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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