Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
