his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
