Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
