I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
