i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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