Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
