i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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