i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
