Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
