just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
