If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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