Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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