remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
