I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
