threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
sarcasm needs its own font
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
