I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
