you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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