You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
