tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
