Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
