I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
