you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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