I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
