they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
