i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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