You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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