So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
