I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
