If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize