Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
