it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
