How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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