the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
