I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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