He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
