your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
