Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
