Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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