are you so shy because you have an std?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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