Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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