why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize