i think my tv is drunk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
did i just pee glitter
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