It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
