peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
