If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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