I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she told me i tasted like america
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
