Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You may now shotgun with the bride
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
