i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
