Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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