Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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