put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
