Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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