I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
