I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
