Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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