Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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