I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When are your genitals available?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
