Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
