My balls are so social today.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
