Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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